For all of the things we lose with the return of Fall, such as the leaves and warmth, we see a triumphant return of others. Hot Apple Cider at the coffee shops. Or pumpkins and all of the pies and drinks that are associated with them.
But there’s a middle-child to the apples and pumpkins that we always forget about. The Jan Brady of the group, if you will.
Gourds.
What the hell are gourds? If you look closely, they tend to appear in the vicinity of pumpkins this time of year. In the “Where’s Waldo?” of the pumpkin patch world, gourds are thrown in for distraction like all the other almost-Waldos in those books. I’ve looked at gourds, and I just can’t figure them out.
You don’t eat gourds, right? I’ve never heard of a Spiced Gourd Latte at Starbucks. I’ve never seen anyone carve a toothy-grin into a candle-lit gourd. Do gourds ever go bad? Something seems eternal about them. Like, once you buy a gourd, it never dies or needs replacing. It’s the Larry King of the plant phylum. I don’t know if I can trust anything like that.
Sorry, I love autumn and Halloween as much – if not more than – the next person. And if you ask me to run through a corn maze after sharing laughs over a hot apple cider, I’ll enthusiastically jump at the opportunity. But, should you attempt to invite a gourd into my apartment, that’s where I draw the line. What’s to say that if you invite a gourd into your home, much like a vampire, you render yourself powerless to the gourd?
Seems unlikely. But I am out of work right now and therefore have no health insurance, so it’s a chance I’m not willing to take.
Gourds. I’m watching you.
random thoughts at three a.m. 
I am not sure, but if a gourd gets as old and shriveled as Larry King it rattles when you shake it, right?
Gourds must be the appendix of fruits, except that they don’t get infected, explode, and kill you.
Although people don’t carve faces into gourds, the carving of jack-o-lanters began with carving faces into turnips, potatoes, and beets.
And gourds actually are fruit. The plants that produce them are in the family Cucurbitacea and the botanical term for the fruit is the pepo. It’s the same as pumpkins, squash, and cucumbers.
Jon, that’s the perfect comparison for gourds … the appendix. They serve no purpose, except to attempt to kill you should they go bad.
Ali, with your knowledge of beets in particular, are you related to Dwight on “The Office”? 😛 Joking aside, you seem to be all-knowing on the gourd-front. Never would’ve guessed that they’re fruit.