Growing up, I watched lots of horror movies. The same thing always happened toward the end of these movies. The killer would be lying on the ground, supposedly lifeless at the hands of the sweet-faced heroine. But she was never satisfied with merely killing the slasher. She was always compelled to take a peak under […]
I was paging through a writing journal of mine from December of 2003. I came across a short story that I nearly forgot I had written. After finding it, I can now vividly recall sitting in a Starbucks on a Friday or Saturday night six years ago, in another city, and just letting this story […]
Make no mistake, I will judge you if: you are still turning on your Christmas lights you even smirk at a single frame of the tv spots for Tooth Fairy you have the last name Reinhold.
Nowadays, if you talk to a high schooler about Shop class, do they just assume you’re talking about Photoshop? Trick question. It doesn’t matter. Chris Hansen approaches you and asks you to take a seat, regardless. What are you doing talking to a high schooler?
I feel sorry for Jerry. He lives on the corner of the subdivision, next to Jenny. A complete coincidence that neighbors would also share a phone number that differs by just the final digit. Jenny’s a girl with the kind of charisma that makes happily married men hold the door upon her arrival, and wordsmiths […]
What is it about coffee shops and grocery stores that always makes me feel like I’m five minutes away from falling in love? Knee jerk reaction is that it’s too many movies. But I don’t feel like I’m about to save a building full of drunk businessmen and women from an angry German terrorist every […]
Maybe it’s because I use product in my hair. And the two are mutually exclusive. Because for the life of me, I can’t understand the toilet bowl readers. The way I see it, you have a job to do. You wait to go in until the job’s ready for you. You walk in. Get the […]
Anyone who says chivalry is dead, should look no further than Mario, himself. The guy has been putting his entire life on hold, to run around rescuing that Princess for how long? And if that isn’t love, I don’t know what is. It started off in Donkey Kong, if I remember correctly. Somehow, the Princess […]