Bad To The Boneless

You know what? When my parents were growing up, they had the space race going on. The space race produced all sorts of great expectations – like flying cars and human beings living until the age of one hundred and fifty because robotic parts would then be capable of fixing each and every failing human one. Somehow this was all to come to fruition because our country was going to hop a bottle rocket up, up, and away.

Fast forward to now – what do we have to show for it? Flying cars? Nope. Are we living any longer? Not significantly. But we do have seedless watermelon and boneless chicken! Boneless chicken.

Please tell me this isn’t the great technological payoff we’ve blasted monkeys into space for. While I dig boneless buffalo wings, I fully realize there is nothing right about them. Meat from boneless wings come from an animal – the chicken. Chickens have bones. Bones create the basic infrastructure for all major life forms. If it’s boneless chicken you’re eating, you are not eating chicken. Come on. Boneless chicken’s the Milli Vanilli of poultry.

It applies more so to seedless watermelon. Don’t we plant seeds, which then grow into watermelons, which in fact, contain seeds? If it’s the seeds that grow this product, how do these watermelons grow, then, without seeds? I don’t trust seedless watermelon. They aren’t natural. They may not even be from the Earth. Ever see Invasion of the Body Snatchers?

I don’t know about you, but I feel cheated. This is the best they could come up with after landing on the moon and chipping a golf ball into a moon bunker some forty-odd years ago? Take a mulligan fellas, and let’s try again. We were promised so much more.

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