The Past/Future Bruce Letters
Hi Future Bruce.
This is Past Bruce. It was nice of you to write to me the other day. But I have to be honest, I’m still kinda learning how to read. It’s totally the next thing on my list, after learning to hold my pee pee until after we get home from Shopko so papa doesn’t have to pull over always to let me go. I’ve been using that Speak and Spell that mom and papa got me for Christmas. So I think I understood most of what you had to say.
I don’t get the thing about me someday liking brown haired girls or girls who can sing or play instruments or are smart somethings with an “a.” Girls are gross. But I do get a funny feeling when I see Sorceress on He-Man. Does she play guitar? Or do I get that feeling because she’s one of those smart somethings with an “a”? I wish we could talk some time. I know time travel costs lots of money so you have to write letters to me instead. It just takes so long. Plus, I keep breaking my crayons when I write you back.
It’s hard to write a letter when you haven’t even learned all of the letters, yet. That’s why I’m drawing so many pictures. I hope you can make sense of this. I want to know a lot about the future. How many robots do you have? Is Double Dare still on Nickelodeon? Are you happy? I’m happy. Especially when I play with Guak and Boober. They’re the best cats in the world. Why don’t you live with mom, papa, and Michael? I want to live with them forever. Except when papa makes me eat all my tater tots. I hate tater tots. Is that why you moved out when you got old? Because papa wanted you to eat the tater tots? But papa’s still funny. He carried me to bed like a bat, last night. Do you remember that, still? I love it when he carries me upside down like that!
I should go. Mom’s getting the Lite Brite out for us to play with.
Bye Future Bruce!
Originally published April 15, 2008
The Past/Future Bruce Letters
Hi Future Bruce,
It’s Past Bruce. I’m glad we’re still writing. I have to be honest, I don’t know what this e-mail stuff is that you talk about. Is it anything like the envelope I made out of construction paper and taped to my desk? My classmates drop notes in it and I read and write back when I have time. Is it like that?
Mom and Papa are finishing my Halloween costume. They made a Frankenstein head out of paper machete. Is that the right word? Don’t laugh at me if it’s wrong. I can’t wait for trick or treat! Mom said I might be able to go a few houses ahead of her and Michael this year. Read the rest of this entry »
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