living on the frontside of thirty

This Idea Is The G.O.A.T. (Greatest of All Time)

February 10, 2011 at 9:03 pm (Essay)

There is a breed of goat known as the Fainting Goat. When this goat gets scared or startled, its muscles tense up for ten seconds and essentially paralyzes the goat, making it fall over. It appears as though the goat is fainting.

We were on the subjects of these goats in the office, this morning. And we had an epiphany.

We should teach people how to master the art of the Fainting Goat. Just as you can be a black belt in six sigma and become a scrum master, why not a Fainting Goat certification?

Just think about it. If you’re in a client meeting, and things aren’t going well or they ask you a question you don’t want to answer, wouldn’t it be nice if you could stiffen, lock your body, and tip over? The client would be utterly confused and distracted so after 10 seconds when you come out of your stiffened state, they would have forgotten what they were even talking about. And then you’re free to shift the conversation to where you want it to go.

Oh yes, this certification could be one of the most important you ever learn and instantly be placed on ones resume alongside “Proficiency in Microsoft Word” and “Ability to multi-task.”

In our course, we will teach you how to jut your arms out like Frankenstein searching for his bride, locking those arms, as well as your legs, and then dropping sideways – still fully locked. We begin teaching you to drop first in the arms of your trusted classmates. Once you’ve mastered this, we move on to “fainting” onto a bed. Then “fainting” onto a couch. Followed by “fainting” onto a yoga mat. And finally, you’re ready to “faint” onto carpeting.

Only our most gifted students will ever master the Fainting Goat onto tile floor.

Are you that gifted student?

(this is where you’d lock up and faint)